Learning Obedience (Ouch)

A few years ago I went through a season, which I affectionately call my "honeymoon" season with God, when things were easy. I had tons of time to myself to read, pray, meditate, journal, be still, hike, walk, soak, read, study, worship, whatever-- and I felt so close to God, on top of the world, at times.

It seemed like almost every day I was having new experiences and learning so fast. Remember that part in the movie "Matrix" when they plug Neo into that training program and he learns in moments what would normally take someone years? I kind of imagine my honeymoon season like that. Yes, there was effort involved, but it seemed like things were just happening.

Like I remember the first time I deeply connected with the concept of praise. I was on amazon.com and I came upon the book "Desiring God" by John Piper. The cover image of the book grabbed me, so I clicked on it to enlarge it. When I did, the image made such an impression on me that I raised my hands and just said, "God, You are great." Simple words, but when I said them I felt a rush through my entire being that was amazing! I wish it was always that easy...

In the last few years, life has just been different. A while back Kris said to me, "The honeymoon's over." Bummer.

Its felt hard. More like a daily grind. Three steps forward, two steps back.

"Why God? Where did You go? Did I do something wrong? What's going on?!?"

I've been on the verge of losing heart a few times. I've felt hurt, confused, mad (sometimes very mad) at God. I felt abandoned, even betrayed. As far as I could tell, I was walking before him with a clean heart, doing my best-- what I thought He wanted. But I found myself bumping my head up against the wall.

In the last year, I've found some language for my heart. I've told God, "I want to learn like a son. Why are you treating me like an outsider?"

What I'm asking Him is, "Why do I have to learn the hard way, bumping my head up against the walls? Why don't you just tell me? Why don't you make things clearer?"

Today this Scripture came to me, "Although He was a son, He learned obedience from the things which He suffered." (Heb. 5:8)

Wait a minute... Jesus had to learn obedience? Jesus had to learn? He had to learn the hard way too, through suffering?

So then, what does it look like to "learn like a son" after all? It seems that even Jesus, the perfect son, had to learn the hard way. Trial and error. Pain and suffering. Bumping His head up against the wall. Can you imagine Jesus, like 16 years old... "Oops! Ouch! Dang... how'd that work out for Me?"

Mistakes are different than sins.

I know I'm walking on thin ice here, but this is my blog :)

Maybe I'm missing something, but it seems pretty clear to me... Sons, even the best of them, learn through the things they suffer. Wisdom doesn't come on a silver platter-- not even for the perfect son of God.

I have some thoughts about why it works this way, but I think I'll try to write about that at a later time.


Quote of the day:

"God defines us by the cry in our spirit, not by our attainments of maturity." (Mike Bickle)